Confusion 2

https://www.facebook.com/lyeon.wong/posts/643321395680395?notif_t=like

perhaps this is the answer of my confusion of my last week post...Im glad i finally figure it out myself :) tis is also the answer of why I broke up with my ex :) I gain freedom after I did tat :D

Yesterday Sam ask me for hang out today, yup, just me and him, at first I was worry that it would be awkward because only me and him go out together, but is exactly the opposite! xD the feeling is different when I go out with my brother gang or my ex, is like....so casual...we just talk watever we pop into our mind, and non stop xD i feel like is a whole different relationship between me and him, talk abt how me and Sam know each other, we are classmate from standard 4 to standard 6 in primary school, then same car from form 1 or form 2 to form 4 and my classmate again in form 5 in our secondary school, we also enter NS at the same time but different place but we would chat everytime we get our phone back during the 3 months NS life. Now after NS so long we haven't contact each other and we finally meet again :)

Hmm...wat is the relationship between me and him? ex-classmate? ex-car pool? is like...more than friend, less than best friend, different from being a "brother" and less than romantic relationship.... wow such complicated relationship, he is really a special friend of mine :) I hope I can keep the friendship like this to the end, Im sure he will, because he is such a special friend of mine :)

Ah !! I know!! is this call a "bosom buddy"? I can talk to him so casually, we can share whatever things about us, even porn even though we are opposite gender haha, but even though, we didn't contact each other so often, but when we do, we just talk and talk and talk......

Do I have feeling for him? I cant even say so myself anymore, since the pass incident had garbled my ability to interpret of having REAL feeling for a boy, now, I have equal feeling for boys, even got different feeling I will also consider it as the same feeling I have for other boys, I cannot differentiate it anymore, I'm scare to make another mistakes anymore, so, maybe I have feeling for him or maybe not, just like with other boys I interact with, What have happened to me???

Confusing gender

 Sometimes Im confuse of myself, I dunno what my gender truly is...don't get me wrong, a gender and sex is different, according to my teachers in back when I joined National Service, they said sex is according to ur physical appearance, which is your sexual organ, weather u r a boy or a girl, but gender is according to ur mental and spiritual.

I'm fully aware of myself that I'm a girl, but, I'm not sure about my inner self...

Why I will question myself? It all start when I confess to a boy who I assume that I like him, but actually is not, the special feeling tat i have for him is only because he is the first male friend tat i ever have, but is not feeling of love, tat is a mistake tat i made. When Im with him, I does not feel comfortable, because the relationship has changed, he was my boyfriend, and i feel caged and so many restriction, I want to be free! I wan to be like a boy! so i broke up with him.

I like being around with boys, large group of boys not that i wan to flirt with them but I just feel comfortable when being with them, I can be who I am, without considering all the rules that how a girl should be, I just feel...free...if you want me to say what is my feeling toward them...they are my families...because when I being with them, I can trust them and relax with them as I would do in my home with my family...I just cant have the romantic love feeling toward them, even if they have any for me, i guess i haven't meet the right person yet.

I always feel that Im a gay rather then a straight girl, even though Im a girl in physical and I only have feeling for boy ( only interest in  male character, handsome men) but I still not feel normal of myself, because my thinking is just...so boyish and I just can't do what a girl normally will do...I always want to dress like a boy, i despise dress and skirt, even if makeup I always think of how to make me look more like a boy...

I'm really confuse...will my friends accept who am I when they learn all this ? One thing I must emphasize, I'm not interest in girl so I'm not a homo, I just think and dress like boy.

High school to college

LoL  Long time I didnt update my blog...so yeah...here I am lol...so many things that happend through out the years and there is no end in writing those stories...and I have goldfish memory also, I just forget what had happened in the past and move on, no matter happy or unhappy times...ya i know im kinda cruel to forget all those happy times i spent with my friends but hey, i cant help it, even if I remembered just pieces that all I could retrieve...so ...sorry ...

OK...What I wanted to say is...I'M A COLLEGE STUDENT NOW!!! lol time flies huh? When is the last time I update my blog again?? nah I forgot =.= I'm doing foundation of art and design currently at KBU international college and will continue my degree in Graphic Design :) Im so happy to be able to continue my dream in art even though I'm from pure science class, after two years of pure science study I confirmed that I 'm not suitable for science related career...art is my true destiny lol Im glad that my parent finally agree to let me learn art although it is still stress ( for workloads, deadlines and redos) but Im still happy compare when in science class :) I really enjoy it and I will continue work hard for it xD

some footage photo during orientation :) met many awesome friends, funny classmates and kind seniors xD

Funny classmates lol dun hit me!! * run away*

My cool and kind senior xD

also made some friends from diploma class :)

and foreign friend too xD

memories with friends after graduate from secondary school

  Finally!!! I get to spend time with my friends, creating sweet memories before I go for my National Service this saturday...I spent time with my best childhood friend Elaine on a boat ride to Pulau Ketam :DD,and also with Celia, Celine, abowloffish, Pei Si and Wai Yee in our 2013 countdown steamboat party...too bad I cannot stay until the count down :( and lastly with my brothas!!!!!! xDDD Teoh, S.Ze, X.Hau and Jake in Sunway :DDD these friends is the friends that I adore until I treat them as brothers and sisters already( and I mean onii chan and onee chan), They always take care of me and support me when I was down :) oh ya dun forget last year's comic fiesta with the same group with the addition of Yuki and Mia xD and the movie with Wynn, Bryan and QiQi :)) 

  Spending so much time on having fun with my friends after SPM and when the result come out in March which is the month that I end my Nasional Service I will be suffer to death!! Dx I think I didnt done well in my exam which piss my parent alot ( which parent wouldn't?) so since the result haven't come out yet I will enjoy and have fun as much as possible xD

  Lastly, I would like to thank all the names I have mentioned, thank you for being my friends and I really glad that none of you ever left me since the day we met. I love you all <3 font="font">

Graduation Party for chinese class

the boy is Wynn that I talking about :)

bros with me cosplay as karakuri burst len kagamine

and my sis's at count down party :)

another outing with my bros :)

too bad I didnt took photo with Elaine one :,( that is also one of my fun and memorable experience with my best friend

Every Naruto fan is feeling sad right now :C

  Sad...sad... T^T Neji from Naruto is dead. *tears up* damn! I never feel anything for manga characters espeacially in Naruto except when Sasori get revived and he is the first one to die for second time *grr..* and now... Kishimoto kill off Neji again!! WHY?? WHY NEJI???? OUT OF EVERY POSSIBLE CHARACTER?????? *GRAAAAAA!!!!* When I saw the page when someone jumped in front of Hinata and Naruto...I seriously hope is not Neji instead of Hiashi Hyuga, Hinata's father but no! My heart breaks when I turned the next page!! WHY????????? Being one of my most favourite character since Naruto and Naruto Shippuden, is so heart breaking to watch them die!!! When the last chapter where Shikaku and Inoichi, Shikamaru and Ino's fathers die, I already get the feelings that somebody important going to die again but I never thought is Neji!!!!!! GAAHHHHHHH!!!!! Curse you Kishimoto!!!!! DD:

RIP Neji Hyuga :,C

Neji pictures not belongs to me

Genting trip with friends after SPM

12/12/2012
  Me and my friends finally get to go Genting Highland after SPM. We gather at Celia's house before heading to Genting at 10am. Originally got 8 people go that is me, Celia, PL, Xiao Hau, Teoh, Jun Yung, and Shang Ze... but then until the very last minute PL suddenly say she cannot go because she though that the date is 11 to 13 but actually the date change to 12 to 14 and on 14 Dec PL got something to do :( so only got 7 people go to genting... When we reach First World Hotel, we cannot check in to our room because we under age (17) so Celia's father help us to check in the room. Then because our outdoor indoor ticket only available for 13 Dec so we only stay in our room play PSP and PS2 that brought by Xiao Hau, Jun Yung and Teoh. We play play play until dinner time we go eat Bak Kut Teh...it feels good that a group of friends sitting together and eat together like family xD btw the food at there is so expensive Dx then we go play arcade, many funny things happened, especially the flip table arcade xD I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!! lol

13/12/2012
  We play UNO at room until 12.00am then go to sleep, we wake up at 7.30am. We went to eat breakfast and went to outdoor theme park. We played Go Kart and we also saw many cosplayer at there O.o Celia know some of them so she went to chat a bit with them.but them later every game also ful l of people so we decided to eat lunch first then rest at room until night time when there is lesser people in outdoor theme park. then about 6.00 pm we come down to the theme park and manage to play one or two games which I forgot. But then the fog getting thicker and started to rain so we go back to indoor park to think of something to play, Celia and I wanted to watch 4D movie but there is too much people at the queue and technical problem so we didnt get to watch it so Xiau Hao them decided to play bowling and its also the first time I play bowling ball xD. After that we went back to hotel room and decided to stay overnight because tomorrow we are going back home. Around 3.00 am Celia feeling not well and we had to cancel our overnight stay.

14/12/2012
  9.00am we wake up and pack our bag, we had to check out at 11.00 am, we went to eat breakfast and check out hotel room. 11.00 am me and Celia go home by taxi and reach by 1.00 pm :)

spent: RM 90.00

Graduation Party

December 6 is our school chinese class graduation party...All the students in our school that taking chinese language is invited to join the party. It is the first time I've dress so formal and even make up to join a party...we had a lot of fun there and some touching moment especially with our chinese teacher...they put alot of effort to maintain the chinese language class in our school and they are the best teacher I've ever seen...I dun get it why alot of chinese today dun take chinese language, its like pulling our root off and forgot who we are, its our mother language, where we come from...fine dun get off the topic too much, back to the party...its awkward when i find my male friends to take picture...especially when I take picture with Wynn, ...overall is very fun and great opportunity to spend our final time with our friends again ( not exactly final time...as we still gonna meet) thank you PL and Etst for helping me to make up and all the hardworking chinese teachers for creating this event :)