I feel so lonely sometimes...not because I don't have friends or family, is because most of my friend wont share to me, I dont like this, I'm grateful for able to share happy memories with you all in these pass 5 years or as long as we met, so I also want to help my friends to be happy too, but...it seems like i fail to do so, whenever I saw you all moody and emo, I want to know, I want to help, but you all wont split a thing, I know sometime is ur personal affair, but atleast let me know that we, as your friend didnt add up ur sadness, for example u quarrell with your family and bring an emo face to school, you can just say :" it just family matter..." not just say :" oh its nothing" but obviously is not ok, I feel sad when you always hide everything to urself and walked away quietly...ya I know is your personality but, please dont ignore ur friend when they want to be with your, your know throughout the years when I away from home, no matter in school or anywhere, I always hope to have people to share their happiness and sadness to me, but unfortunately till now I'm still a dust to your eyes.
One day I cried, in class, when teacher is absent and the class is left to themselves, Im sorry I lied to you all that I cried is because I read a touching book, I cried is because I was lonely, I was doing my homework that time, all alone, when I glance around the classroom, all the people, including my friends, they were talking, they were together, they were laughing, happily. Even with my friend is by my side, she were laughing too, with my friend behind me. I felt abandoned, because the whole classroom, only me is all alone, no one invite me to join their laughter, no one wish to share with me, maybe u think I should volunteer myself to join the others, ya I thought so too, but when I think about it, everytime always me volunteer myself into a group ( when no teacher around, just chatting), like, no one invite me to join their group before, is it they initially dont want me to join but I insist to join them?? If I didnt ask, will they invite me??? I shed a tear, no one notice it.
More tears rushing out from my eyes, no one notice, even my friend beside me. I cried nearly one period until another teacher comes in, still no one came to me and ask : "what's wrong?" Then, I recall that everytime got people cried in class, their friends will beside them, patting their back, saying : its ok..." but when its my turn, no one, nothing, laughters still continue, more knifes is stabbing me. Is it I'm so worthless to your all??? My heart sink, because I finally notice that I'm just a nobody for everyone when this is the last year I will spent with them, when I treat u all so important than my own life, that I admire so much for you all. But I feel more console, when you ask me what wrong in class during recess time, you thought I was crying because of homework, close enough...
Maybe you dont know, Im a very sensitive and low self confidence, I always thought that even if I dissapear from this world, no one will notice, earth will keep turning, life will keep going on, so I also treat myself not important, but, you, came in front of me, and ask " why yesterday you didnt come?" " Do you want me to wait for you?" "Here, just now we went Chatime and bought this for you." " I remember you said that...". Maybe you ady forgot, but those are very big words for me, when I think that noone will care about me, when I think I was left alone, your words which contain a little bit of concern, can easily touched me. I look emotionless outside but inside I was full of thankful and gratefulness for you that say this to me. or maybe sometime you saw I was shock and surprise by your words is because I never think anyone will say this kind of things to me.
Thank you for acknowledge my existence, thank you for being kind to me, thank you for share happiness with me, thank you for everything when I step out my home. But I hope, u can also share your sadness to me, to let me know Im not a burden to you, to give me a chance to convert sadness to happiness, to stand by your side and support you.
Friendship is a beautiful things when someone treasure it sincerely.
p.s.The 'you' im using is refer to everyone, every friends I know
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